Member-only story
Being Queer and Black with a Homophobic Family
I came out later in life. At 27, I was in my first lesbian relationship. And I hated it; all 3 years of it. I loved the person I was with, at one point. But I was the lesbian in the closet. And I fought hard to hide the relationship. When my partner was over, I had to shoosh her to make sure the family member on the other end of the line didn’t ask questions. When she bought us a trip to Hawaii, I had to lie and say, “my rich friend” just happened to have an extra ticket and wanted me to tag along. That’s a major eye roll. It made me sick and it put a damper on my relationship. Still, I didn’t have the support to “come out” properly.
Fast forward to my breakup. It was complicated, as with most lesbian breakups. My ex kept contacting me, trying to get me to give in to, getting back with her. She sent me some of the most horrible text messages and posted cryptic messages on Facebook that I just know were geared towards me. And I was still in the closet to my family. I had no support. My job was problematic and I was going through my first, final breakup with my partner of 3 years.
Her cryptic post made me think she would try to harm me in some way. She kept contacting me, arguing over text. When I blocked her, she emailed me. I fell into a dark place as a result. I left my job on a whim. I practically hid in my apartment, scared to leave…
